Through tears I write this today.
Do you struggle with the expectations of Christmas? Has a
past experience left you feeling that Christmas for you is but an old and
never-to-be-repeated fond memory, ever broken now by the trauma/loss that you
faced?
No matter how hard I try, even when I think I’ve won, this comes for me too.
Christmas is like putting a magnifying glass on the losses and the hurts and the trauma, the empty chairs at the family table, the memories of past Christmas tragedies. It all comes back in a raging torrent that I’ve tried so many times to keep under wraps – but now I’m letting it out. Because if it’s out, it can no longer be in. If it’s uncovered, I believe it will lose some of its sting.
Today my message to you and to myself is this:
No matter how hard I try, even when I think I’ve won, this comes for me too.
Christmas is like putting a magnifying glass on the losses and the hurts and the trauma, the empty chairs at the family table, the memories of past Christmas tragedies. It all comes back in a raging torrent that I’ve tried so many times to keep under wraps – but now I’m letting it out. Because if it’s out, it can no longer be in. If it’s uncovered, I believe it will lose some of its sting.
Today my message to you and to myself is this:
Since when was Christmas all about you?
Its’ not about the perfect gift, the perfect Christmas dish, its’ not about a warm feeling, or a family dinner without arguments.
Christmas is when we celebrate that God gave the first
Christmas gift a little over 2 thousand years ago. His only son Jesus, sent to
Earth in human form, born in a feeding trough – possibly the lowliest entry to
Earth that the world has ever seen.
Christmas happens in spite of – and in the middle of – our insignificant little lives, offering us a chance to stop focussing on ourselves and pause instead to remember that without God giving the first Christmas gift – we wouldn’t even have Christmas.
Christmas was never promised to us as a thorn-less rose garden. It was never promised as a time when all would be well with the world. People still die at Christmas, people get diagnosed with terminal illnesses, and still others choose to walk out on their partners and small children leaving them devastated. Massacres and other terrible atrocities still happen at Christmas time. There is no ceasefire on trouble in our lives just because it’s Christmas. What we all look forward to as a special time of the year is just another day in terms of living.
Further to this…the grief you feel because you lost your precious loved one will not shut down over Christmas. You will continue to feel the pain, and in a more intense way, because of the expectations of Christmas.
Christmas happens in spite of – and in the middle of – our insignificant little lives, offering us a chance to stop focussing on ourselves and pause instead to remember that without God giving the first Christmas gift – we wouldn’t even have Christmas.
Christmas was never promised to us as a thorn-less rose garden. It was never promised as a time when all would be well with the world. People still die at Christmas, people get diagnosed with terminal illnesses, and still others choose to walk out on their partners and small children leaving them devastated. Massacres and other terrible atrocities still happen at Christmas time. There is no ceasefire on trouble in our lives just because it’s Christmas. What we all look forward to as a special time of the year is just another day in terms of living.
Further to this…the grief you feel because you lost your precious loved one will not shut down over Christmas. You will continue to feel the pain, and in a more intense way, because of the expectations of Christmas.
Oh how hard it is when we find ourselves believing that
Christmas is about us. We grow up unwittingly, subconsciously believing that
the ‘magic of Christmas’ is a transferrable currency that will turn our
Decembers into winter wonderlands of fun, love and other niceties when in fact
this way of thinking has the potential to make December the toughest month of
the year to be alive.
At Christmas we want everything to be perfect. Trouble is – it never is. So we need to go back to the drawing board and re-map how we are going to do this, factoring in a good dose of reality and emotional health.
Loss is a part of life. Relationships break down because as humans we sin. The only 100% goodness in this life is God. So, when I’ve looked to man and this world for so long that I’ve become disillusioned, I’m reminded to look to Him as the only source of my security and hope.
At Christmas we want everything to be perfect. Trouble is – it never is. So we need to go back to the drawing board and re-map how we are going to do this, factoring in a good dose of reality and emotional health.
Loss is a part of life. Relationships break down because as humans we sin. The only 100% goodness in this life is God. So, when I’ve looked to man and this world for so long that I’ve become disillusioned, I’m reminded to look to Him as the only source of my security and hope.
The good news: Christmas with real-life traumas, hurts, and
troubles is totally do-able – when we remember it’s not about us.
Perhaps your Christmas won’t be so merry, or bright. But you are going to be ok. Hang in there, you are not alone.
The reason for Christmas itself hasn’t changed. Perhaps if you will re-adjust your expectations of this annual celebration, re-think your perspective on the ‘cultural norms’, you may find that even in the midst of great pain, this could be your most wonderful Christmas yet.
All the best to you, and to me, as we navigate this season together. Wishing good things for you this Christmastime and throughout the coming year.
Perhaps your Christmas won’t be so merry, or bright. But you are going to be ok. Hang in there, you are not alone.
The reason for Christmas itself hasn’t changed. Perhaps if you will re-adjust your expectations of this annual celebration, re-think your perspective on the ‘cultural norms’, you may find that even in the midst of great pain, this could be your most wonderful Christmas yet.
All the best to you, and to me, as we navigate this season together. Wishing good things for you this Christmastime and throughout the coming year.
Linda.
